At times my body image issues are crippling. I can’t see beyond my skin and into what truly matters. I struggle to look in the mirror. I don’t feel comfortable in my own skin. I downward spiral into feeling absolutely worthless.
I Am Not Only My Body
I know, logically, that my internal dialogue on those days is utter nonsense. I know that I am not only my body. I know that what I look like from the outside really means shit all. I know that in years to come when I have passed, no one will remember me by talking about the body that housed me. They’ll likely talk about my warm smiles, my constant laughs, my larger-than-life personality and how I made them feel. So, I know all this. You usually don’t have to tell me. But when I’m having a bad body image day, I feel I need this tattooed on my head, so every time I look in the mirror I would be reminded, instead of bombarded by my own internal bully.
As my internal work continues (very different from the years of external work I thought I was benefiting from) these days come farther apart, last for less time, and get less and less intense.
Necessary to Share
To be honest, this is something I definitely need to talk to a counsellor about. I don’t think I can solve this deep-rooted, 30+ year made problem by sharing on social media.
I feel it necessary to share nonetheless. One, because I think by facing and accepting our problems, they become less scary and two, because I noticed I only tend to write about things that I have already overcome. Things I have figured out. Then I share, because it’s “safe.” I’m past it and can finally talk about it. I realized I’m contributing to the very cultural norm I criticize: the filtering of our lives for social media.
But, the truth is, for every external or internal battle I have overcome, there’s one I am still fighting. And this is one so many of us fight. So keep fighting mama warriors. We’ll get there.